And I Wonder If They Miss Us
by MASH-Nut-4077
Summary: There is Nothing Like a Nurse' is one of my favorite MASH episodes. So... what if Klinger actually managed to go AWOL by hiding in that bag? Find out!
1. Default Chapter

**(A/N: This is going to be a VERY short fic that came to me at about 1 in the morning. A re-writing of the episode "There is Nothing Like a Nurse". ^-^ For anyone wondering about my other stories... Henry- Writer's block issues on the last few chapters. California- I lost the friggin disk that had the story on it. Until then... that's been put on hold.)**

And I Wonder If They Miss Us

As the truck driver started the engine, the nurses all stared thoughtfully back at the 4077th and wondered if they would ever see it, or its inhabitants, again. With the threat of an airborne enemy attack, the entire stretch of land could become a crater in a matter of moments. Despite how much they hated Korea, everyone looked to the M*A*S*H unit as their second home.

Whump!

Just past the 'Best Care Anywhere' sign, the truck hit a bump and a duffelbag bounced off the back. Several men ran forward, eager to get one last glimpse of their beloved nurses before they left, and Trapper heaved the bag back onto the truck bed. Klinger felt it brush against his feet and thanked God that it had not been him thrown off. He was cramped inside a canvas bag and began to roll around slightly as the vehicle started up again and rattled across the Korean countryside, headed toward the 121st Evacuation Hospital. There was little sound from the Nurses, who were just feet away from him. Klinger wondered if anyone back at the camp had realized he was missing yet.


	2. Chapter Two

Klinger was in for a few more close calls before he successfully became AWOL. For instance, several checkpoints were stationed near precarious potholes in the road, and he had to roll in the opposite direction every time one was hit so that he didn't fly off the back.

And the driver didn't miss _one_ of them.

A guard had to perform a search on the truck due to a recent Penicillin crimewave. Thankfully he overlooked Klinger's still form, as it was a hot day and all he wanted to do was get back to his jeep.

"Welcome to the 121st evac!" The driver cried as his truck ground to a halt. Klinger's mouth fell open and his breath caught in his throat. His 'ingenious plan' ended at simply making it out of the camp! What was he going to do now?

"Hey, did you hear?"

"No, what?"

"The shelling's headed this way! We're not staying!"

"Where are we going?"

"Nobody knows yet!"

Was it Klinger's Day Of Miracles, or what? The truck bed shuddered beneath him and he kept an ear out for any word as they rumbled along the South Korean roads once more. It was an uneventful, and for Klinger unsure ride. Suddenly he heard "What? We're being shipped to Seoul? Wow!"

In Seoul was the airport... and in the airport was freedom!


	3. Chapter Three

It was a long ride.

A long hot ride.

A long hot bumpy ride.

...It was not an enjoyable ride.

But it was all worth it, as soon as Klinger heard the driver shout "Ladies, welcome to the Grand Hyatt Seoul! I'll just go and check you in..." Some of the nurses were unsure.

"We shouldn't be staying at a nice hotel while all the men are back at the 4077th under threat of an arial attack!"

"She's right! It's just... wrong."

"Normally I'd say we deserve it, but right now..."

Klinger couldn't help himself. It was burning up inside the canvas bag and one more moment in there would give him a heatstroke. He tore out of it and took in great, gasping breaths of air amidst the screams of startled nurses.

"KLINGER!"

Eyes wide, he hopped off the truck bed. So close to freedom! So close! That is... until Baker just about bodyslammed him. It looked like she was trying to. Instead she landed on her feet on the dirt beside him and had his arm in a tight grip.

One of the first rules of being a corpsman is...

Never. EVER. Mess with a nurse.

He stopped dead and asked slowly "...Yeah?" Baker stared levelly and said "Klinger, what are you doing here?" "Picking up some new earrings. Why?" "You nut, you can't wear earrings with _that_. It would look awful!" She commented on his latest ensemble with a look of disgust.

It was true.

He was wearing his fatigues.

The other nurses had gathered around him and were standing with their hands on their hips, awaiting an explanation.


End file.
